Paul’s Journal

Dear Journal,
I am writing this so maybe I can see my flaws I guess. These  past few months have been down hill and I am trying to make since of it all. My wife and I of 15 years are in the process of a divorce, and well it is eating me up inside.

I thought that I could say sorry to her and it would be over with, I guess that shows my maturity or her immaturity I don’t really know. It seems these past few months I have more questions than answers.

My mind has trouble staying focused on positive things, it always wanders to the negative. So when I start answering questions more pop-up, it’s like one of those zombie wave games it starts with a few and ends with a million and “Game Over” flashing on the screen.

I can remember being a child and not having so much worry, I never worried that I would upset anyone as much as I do now. But even as a kid I always tried to do the right thing, oh well.

She told me today she isn’t in love with me anymore, something about how we are no longer the same people we once were. It’s funny though because I think we are the same but we just got more comfortable and let our real selves show. I don’t believe people change we just hide the bad stuff away for as long as we can.

Hmm, I miss her. I miss the way she smiled at me when I did something goofy. I miss her hand in mine. I miss her voice, every once and awhile I can hear it, but it always turns out to be a creak in one of the floor boards, someone outside or the television.

My friends and family used to tell me that we complemented each other. They used to say “You two will grow old together I can tell.“, what a load of bull shit that was. I shouldn’t curse, it’s a bad habit and I need to quit.

I have some errands to run today so I will write later when I can.



Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s