I am a “Gold Digger”

Okay so have been a listener to the Creative Pep Talk podcast for roughly 8 or 9 months and I don’t want this to seem like I am using Andy J. Miller’s wonderful podcast to get views but this morning I was listening to episode How to Unearth Your Creative Gold

In the podcast he makes some points on believing in yourself and knowing you have a creative purpose, that there is someplace out there that your work belongs.

He also talks about have the feeling that you have a purpose, that you were meant for something great. And I have delt with that feeling, not in the sense that I am going to save the world but that there is something I should be doing but I am not, it is something akin to the feeling of leaving your house and wondering if you put the milk back in the fridge or turned off the television.

I have always felt that way and since I had started this adventure on WordPress that feeling has died a little.

Towards the end of the podcast he uses these gold digging analogies for creative discovery. And I think it is wonderfully said.

There are two parts to the analogy:

1. Find a gold expert(someone who is successful in your creative field) and talk to them. For me I really enjoy reading:

Robert Okaji -poet

Jessey Ribordy-composer

Ryan Clark-graphic design/singer/songwriter/musician

Brandon Rike-graphic designer/singer/songwriter

2.Find the old timer who knows the land(someone who knows you well, that feels comfortable critiquing your work in a very honest way) and talking to him a bout the land in question. This would be my family, I never had many friends.

I started thinking this would be a great idea, I could learn so much about myself and maybe I could blog about it. There are a few peolple I look up to for inspiration, and/or that just inspires me.
Maybe I could interview friends and family about myself.

This year without planning it I have been on a path to self discovery. I know a lot of people would look at me and say “You’re in your thirties and you haven’t figured it out yet? What the hell have you been doing with your life?”

My response would be:

I have been plagued with self doubt and depression whenever I thought about it. To your second question I have been trying to figure this all out through the cloud of the before mentioned problems.

So I guess I am a gold digger, I want to learn from my peers and know my flaws and strengths that I myself can not see.

I have been lost for a long time, I have been wondering in the darkness of my mind, I have finally come to realize, that my happiness was always mine, I have cursed I have cried, to endlessness I thought my demise, I have forced a result in my mind, but in the end emptiness was all I could find.

But the sun it surly will rise, I have hope, I have faith, I will find this calling I can’t seem to find, it was blocked by the darkness inside.

-Josh aka The Scruffy Guy 

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